Dear Santa...

Kathleen and Mason were discussing Mason's Christmas list. Mason told her, "I want a Nintendo DS and a DSI, an iPhone, a Mind Flex and a couple of other things." Kathleen said, "Man, you do not need a DS and a DSI, and you don't need an iPhone. Besides, those things are way expensive." Mason replied, "I know. Why do you think I'm asking SANTA for them? Duh."

My little man

Today's Masonism: Mason came into my room this morning and announced, "Mom! I have manly pit stank! I'm really getting bigger! Hey, Ella! You want to smell my manly pit stank?" Ella: "NO." Mason, addressing the rest of his general public, "Who wants to smell my manly stank?" No takers.

Happy carpool

On the way to school this morning, Ella asked to be quizzed on spelling words. She said, "Some kids think 'know' is spelled 'n-o-w'. I Used to say 'kuhnow' before I knew the k was silent. Like I used to read ph like 'puh-huh.' Like, 'I'm going to answer the puh-huh-one.' Hahahahahaha!"
Mason: "Hahahahaha! We both simultaneously laughed weirdly together!"

Well, at least they're happy. There is that.

Happy Birthday, Mason

Today is Mason's 9th birthday. Even the grouchy sisters woke up early to sing him awake, and he opened presents at breakfast. From Ella Grace, a red rain jacket. From Kathleen, red rain boots. What a happy dude. Immediately donned the outfit and wore it for the rest of the meal. The big gift: the new Playmobil Egyptian Pyramid. He can't believe all the trap doors and booby traps. It's way cool.

From his grandparents, a Tetris Cube and an Encylopedia. Home run. He is the happiest kid ever. We're happy, because now he'll be spouting ACCURATE facts.

From his godparents, a BrushBot; a robot that you construct, which moves on top of a bristly brush. He's sure that if he adds soap, it will scrub the floors. Way cool.

From Ms. Melissa: Flarp. The coolest stuff EVER. I can't even tell if it's a liquid or a solid. It's like very gooey silly putty, much softer and slimier. Definitely Mason's favorite thing ever. Before Melissa left the house, the Flarp had already been retrieved from the top of the kitchen cabinets (I'm one embarrassed housekeeper...that place is FOUL) and pulled from Mason's hair. Now it coats the inside of the Tetris Cube box, and the remainder is embedded with crumbs of birthday cake.

Since 3:00, Mason has been wearing a bright orange safety vest. For warmth, he says. We've been calling him the Safety Patrol.

It's been a good day. Thanks for being born, Mase. And thanks for entertaining us.

Creative Crafts

Me, to Ella Grace, who's holding scissors and strips of white felt: "Hi, Ell. Whatcha doin'?"
Ella: "Oh. I'm disguising this turkey."
Me: "A turkey?"
Ella: "Yeah. As a ballerina. So he won't get eaten for Thanksgiving."
It's a lovely turkey.

So proud...

Ella Grace has become quite the reader and speller. We played a game called Bananagrams (like Scrabble) and she spelled "sex." Good grief.

We also played Crazy Eights. My kids like to play for second, third, and honorable mention. Michael won, Kathleen was second, and team Ella/Mommy was third, leaving Mason to finish out his cards. He didn't mind. He even made up a song about it:
"Playing with myself, p-p-p-playing with myself" (repeat indefinitely) With robot arm motions even. He had no idea why Kathleen and I thought it was so funny.

Observations from Mason

Hot Springs has a tourist attraction called The White Duck. It is one of those old WWII things that can drive on the roads, then go into the water like a boat. On the lake, Mason saw one and said, "Look! An amphibious vehicle!"


We were driving near our house, and Mason described a sign he had seen: "Well, THAT was awkward! I just saw a picture of a girl, from about her thigh, you know, the part of her leg right above her knee, all the way up to her neck, but no head!"

Me (knowing it was an ad for a tanning salon): "Huh. What do you think they were advertising?"

Mason: "Probably very, very, VERY small bikinis."

Car Ride Revelations

Ella Grace, from the back seat: "Wow!"
Me: "What?"
Ella: "The sign on that fence said, 'Beware of god!'"

Mason: "Mom, what's 24 times 60?"
Me: "I don't know, man. I'd have to sit down and think about that, and I'm tired."
Mason: "Well, when I figure that out, I'll know how many seconds are in a day, and that will be an evolutionary breakthrough, for a second grader!"

He has a fabulous idea for an invention, but I warned him not to tell anyone, so he can work on that when he's a grownup and change the world. He's going to be a household name someday (in a good way, I think), and you can all say you knew him when he was a goofball. Well, a small goofball.

You're joking

We were telling funny stories and jokes at the dinner table the other night.

I told about Chicken Little, who went to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling!" What do you think the farmer said? "Holy cow! A talking chicken!" Hahahahahahah. Everyone laughed uproariously. Then Ella stops and says, "I don't get it." So Kathleen tells us about two muffins sitting in an oven, and one turns to the other and says, "Man, it's getting hot in here." The other replies, "Oh my gosh! A talking muffin!" Hahaha. Still nothing from Ella. Kathleen turns to her and says, "Ella." Ella responds, "What?" "Oh my gosh! A talking girl!" Still nothing. Good grief.

So, changing the subject, I tell the kids about the pregnant woman who is getting in the shower, and her three-year-old daughter comes in and says, "Mom, you are getting really fat." "Yeah, I know, honey. Remember, Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy?" The child responds, "Yeah. I know. But what's growing in your butt?" Hahahahahahaha (especially 'cause Mom said BUTT.) Mason almost falls out of his chair laughing, then turns to me, wiping his eyes and catching his breath. "So, what WAS growing in her butt?"

Politically correct

We were talking about the difference between calling a person "African-American" or "black", and Mason said he'd rather be called "white", because "Caucasian" is a weird word.

Ella Grace piped up, "I like to be called PEACH."

I think I'll mark that on my next survey.

Question of the day

Yesterday, each kid posed their own question of the day.

Mason: "Why was underwear invented?"

Ella: "Why do they call it 'snoring'?"

Kathleen: "Can I go to Fayetteville next weekend for a drama tournament? It's $50, and I already have a ride there and home, and Taylor and I are entered to do an improv piece, and all you have to do is pay and pick me up at the mall afterwards. So, can I go?"

My answer to all three: "Uh..."

A date with Mason

Everyone in our family had dates last night. Michael and Ella Grace put on their boots and headed out to the Father/Daughter boot-scootin' Girl Scouts bash. Ella thought Daddy wouldn't be a good dancer; I told her he could shake his little Daddy booty pretty good. She thought that was hilarious.

Kathleen had a date with a new boy. He has a car. Since she's not allowed to car date, I drove her to meet him. They ate at Sonic and walked over to the movies.

Since that just left Mason and me, we decided to have our own date. After we dropped Kathleen at Sonic, we voted on where to eat based on what we could see from where we were. Chinese won. The restaurant was COMPLETELY empty, but it clearly was a family-run business, so I felt good about eating there. Our order was taken by the college-aged daughter, and we could hear the family talking in the kitchen while they cooked our food. Mother and Daughter delivered our food...more than we could both eat in three sittings. The Mother bent down grandmother-style in Mason's face and babbled on excitedly in Chinese. Daughter translated that Mom thought Mason was "beautiful". All Mason's attention was on the beef and broccoli; he didn't even notice his admirer. After we boxed up our leftovers, we headed to the movie theater for Pink Panther 2. We were VERY early for the show, so we camped out in the hallway with our popcorn and sodas to wait. Mason entertained me. Out of the blue, he said, "Mom. If I were a portable, inflatable Mason, this is how you would store me under the bed." Then he laid in the middle of the floor to demonstrate. "And if I were uninflated, you could fold me like this." I took pictures with my phone. Until I figure out how to post them here, you'll have to use your imaginations.

On the way home, Kathleen filled us in on her date details. It went very well. Mason told Kathleen about the movie: "It was part mystery, but mostly romantasy." I like that. I think I need a little more romantasy in my life. My next date will be with Michael.

Speaking of Michael, Ella reported that he is an expert at the Macarena. Our date will most likely not involve dancing.

Happy New Year!

Today is the first day of 2009. Mason woke up and immediately asked to make latkes.

What a weird kid. He's been totally into Hanukkah lately. So we made latkes. And they were good. And fried. And not on my New Year's diet. Oh, well. It was educational, right?

Ella Grace spent the day packing up her entire room and moving it out onto the front porch. She got out all the car seats and created a "van" to drive to the beach. The good news is, when she arrived at the "hotel" (her room), she unpacked everything and put it away. What a good day.

Kathleen's been studying all day. For some reason, that's making me very nervous.

After latkes for breakfast, I felt compelled to follow up with a more traditional New Year's dinner: ham and black-eyed peas.

I'm feeling very optimistic.